the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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