I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize