I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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