I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize