Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
