If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
