Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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