And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need to align my fucking chakras
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
