He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
