Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
