You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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