Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
