Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
