If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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