look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
