it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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