This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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