I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
