there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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