I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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