I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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