i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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