He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
