you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
