Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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