Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
