so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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