I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
