Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
