Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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