wat bout pragnant strippers??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
