Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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