I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
