chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
