It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
