I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
