There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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