why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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