i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
