I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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