you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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