i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
