Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
