I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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