I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
