I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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