My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
