I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize