I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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