He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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