fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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