So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is it penis luge time yet?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
