My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
