i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
