I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
