first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
