so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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