Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
