my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
