Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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