I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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