I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
