Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
