You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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