So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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