Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
