Have you finally orgasmed yet?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
