i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
