Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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