Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
