just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
