Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
