my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We had to coat check the pizza.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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