why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
