4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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