My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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