Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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