are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
