there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just pee around me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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