she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
