apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
