there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You need Xanax blowdarts
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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