He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
