i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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