I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
