If i come over, it means nothing
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
