Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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