So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
worst night to have a conscience
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
