dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
