you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
