I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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