Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
