Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I will pee on everything he values.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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