I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
