my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
