Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
