So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
