I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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