I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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