She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
