Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The Olympian is in my bed
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