my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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