When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
