If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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