Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
