I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
