I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no you cant smoke seaweed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
