he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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