White coat. Heels.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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