mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then my night got REAL pukey
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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