He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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