As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
