evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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